


Aphrodites Promise

by ChurchOfGamzee



Series: Season One: THE ASCENSION. [1]
Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Author got Killed. What an Idiot!, M/M, Rated M for Mother Approved, Reincarnation, So be sure you Show It To your Moms, There's Probably 5 Million Words AT LEAST For Zelda Fanfiction, Vore, Yet None of them Can Be Spared for the Best Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 05:29:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14846697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChurchOfGamzee/pseuds/ChurchOfGamzee
Summary: They said god is the loneliest one of them all.(WARNING!!!!AUTHOR IS SHITHEAD. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!!)





	Aphrodites Promise

**Author's Note:**

> PSA I don't know the Zeldoor Lore. Don't pee if I got something wrong.

Life, much like a Unicycle, is stupid.

Once one dies, their body is broken down into other things. It moves along, giving life to other beings, and with time, you will become once more. Maybe, not as a human, or even a living thing, but as something else. With this argument, one could say that death doesn't exist at your level (AN: Not me; I've already ascended so you fucks are stuck with me whether or not you like it. What are you going to do, kill me again? Do it asshole.); you are always alive, changing form, giving life long enough that your kind could consider it an eternity. 

So perhaps, one could say they were dead, when they're being brought back, over and over again.

On Hyrule, there existed four beings. Four beings, eternally brought back as intelligent life forms. 

Link,

Zelda,

Ganon,

and Tingle.

Link, Zelda, and Ganon would be eternally brought back, Link and Zelda eternally damned to fight against Ganon. Perhaps it was simply the way of the gods to have amusement. A way for the gods to find the answer a question. Maybe, the gods being barred from their dimensions, use those three to spread their wills, to protect Hyrule. Those three, have their names passed down again, again, addendum addendum, as long as the cycle remains on Hyrule. 

But this is a story for another day. If we were to muse endlessly over the creators of Hyrule, we'd need beer, and it appears I'm not old enough to drink.

Soda's better anyways.

Today, we look at the being known as Tingle. A...curious little fellow, one who doesn't seem to stand out too much, when it first meets the eye. Aye, looks are deceiving, aren't they mate?  He, is the only one who grants us the divine gift of understanding the gods of Hyrule,

He knows this realm, better than you or I, perhaps his knowledge even rivals that of the gods,

For you see, little old Tingle remembers all of the history in Hyrule.

One must ask, "But how?!", and the answer is simpler than it seems. When you look at the Triforce, you see the hole in the Middle, yes? That is because, there is a secret, fourth piece of the Triforce.

Tingle's role, in this land, is to record it's history. Something as pathetic and annoying as what we refer to as 'death' isn't something to stop him. Nay, the gods let him remember everything he sees, to let him use the knowledge he has to help with his purpose. One, that never ends. One, that he takes with stride. He does his job with the utmost care, even if the memories he has are conflicting.

They first met, on a dark, stormy night.

All of his brothers had left with that... Link boy. There exists no one, no one who would help him spin Tingle Tower. He found this island, and island he does his best to provide for them. They had the audacity to praise all gods but him. Wasn't he the closest thing to God? Why couldn't they respect him as such?

There is a figure behind him. He's good, good with detecting others around him.

"Greetings," The figure greets, in a deep voice. It makes him... don't thiink that Way tingle! You are the best. Ah, but there's a lack of words! Quick, Quick, say something, anything Tingle, Anyth--

""  He said, as he turned to face the figure behind him, only to see said figure was Ganon, and had an eyebrow cocked, lips turned in a curious smile.

"Now how did you manage to say that?" He asks. Ohhh god ganon is so hot help. he Is Sexy. Sexy Man. Large. Tingle wants to Slather his Toes in Ganon's Mouth Sweat.

"I have the Power!!" Tingle Proclaimed, with a lively hand thrust against his chest, but he could do naught to halt the shuddering of his body. But Ganon simple chuckled at that. 

"You're much more different than the legends say!" Tingle notes, amused at Ganon's apparent kindness. 

"Legends," He says, as he begins to sit by the warm fire and next to tingle that was absolutely there because I said so, "Are indeed just curious things of fantasy."

Tingle Was too tired to grab the roasting fish, so he turned his eye into a hand and handed it to ganon, before it reverted into an Eye Once More. 

They said nothing for some time, eating Dirt in silence, before Tingle clears his Throat, and says 

"They say nothing but lies! You are a very kind man?" He was steamijng some Clams. He is good!!! Friendly rfifrneddl jfg.

Ganon gives a huff (Does he sound... sad? Or is TingleHearing things?) "Beng the icon of evil makes people. Yes, I must follow this path, even if not by My Own Will." 

Noted. He'll file a complaint to the Gods.

"I Would Love to meet again," Ganon says, before he leaves.

"Oh, I'm sure we will." Tingle teases.

They do, of course they do,

In A Different Hyrule.

And it hurts

Hurt

t

h

a

t

(Look Readers! It's Stalactite! Now Watch Closely, as I Form a Stalagmite as well;)

S

o

me

one As

Kind as Ganon

Would Forget Tingle, who

Promised to Meet him Sometime in the future.

No! This was Not what he meant! He Meant where they

Were in THAT Hyrule! not this... overly Vast one, Where Weapons Break for some reason? Who Decided that. It's Not Home, Tingle decides. It cannot Be Home without GAON!

Alas, Traveling is his True Calling, and he knows that traveling is his true Calling. He Has time, time to find Ganon, so he will. Like, He'd Go to Hell, Slap Satan's Ass, then go to Heaven and Slap Gods Ass with the Same hand Thus instigating a War between Heavan and Hell if it Meant he'd See his beloved Ganon Once more! They've got Unresolved Tension, he and Ganon.

Wait.

Over the Hills, is that...?

...

...

...

GANON IS ON A UNICYCLE!!!!! HOW CAN TINGLE CATCH!!!!

Tingle transformed himself into Optimous Prime and Ran him over. Go Decepticons!!!!

"What the Fuck a Mighty Beans!!! Holy shit Let me Get the Pokeballs" Ganon Yelled, but When He transformed,

"Who are you?? You're not Wheeljack!"

Right... He's the only one who keeps his memories of the past between lives.

"I'm tinble! ^w^" 

"Tinble. Why did you Run Me Over. I Am So Fucking Mad. h."

"Ganon. Listen to me. I met you in a past loife."

"HEHOURBJLKFD MSdrfbuer;n"

"Oh, so now YOURE te one saying the confusing."

"How do you know?!"  
"We reincarnte/"

Tingle Sauntered up to Ganon.

"Don't you tire of this, Ganon?" Tingle asks, in a Sultry Manner. Ganon chuckles at Tingle's exuberance towards him.

"Perhaps I do," He coos, as a finger slides against Tingle's plump cheek.

"And if I were, to tell you the solution?"

"Mhmm, and that solution is...?"

Tingle can't help the grin that spreads on his face, or the giggles when Ganon brings him cclose to his ear.

"Devour me,"  
"Devour you?"

"Yes..." Tingle purrs.

Ganon picked up Tingle, and pushed him slowly into his maw. Legs first, as a tounge snaked against his thigh, and caused him to shudder like A Ghost possessed him. Just like that ghost, he was moaning like one. ""oeoooo I;m a gosght!!!! Hzaunting your ass to night!" 

Then, in one Fell Swoop, Ganon swallowed Tingle Whole. Tingle sighed, this was hot as hell.

But then the chaos Emeralds exploded at the fusion of The two Triforces and shit happened. A Flamingo went to Antarctica. Cringe!!!!!

So, my dear reader, That is the Story,

Of why Tingle Isn't in Breath of the Wild, and why Ganon looks like that in it as well.


End file.
